Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Tuesday, February 2, 2016
To the girl that never really loved me,
I don’t hate you. I don’t hate what we had or what we’ve become. I hate that some one you shared a history with can become someone you don’t even text anymore in a blink of an eye. It can change from the best times to the worst times. It can go from laughing till you’re crying to just crying. It sucks when you look back on it and gave more then the person could ever give you. Maybe it’s just an enteral optimism, or the fact that I thought I could fix you. I thought the more I gave, the more I cared, the more I looked past things and just loved you would start to feel the same, give the same, care the same, look past things and just love the same. Sadly, that’s not how it works, you can give your whole heart and not get anything in return. It’s tricky, our love was tricky. The worst part of ending things was the feelings attached, no matter how hard you try to let go. The constant reminder of the little things of you.
I’m not mad at you for never loving me the way I loved you, too often of the time people are afraid to use that word, love you know? We’ve all had different experiences that lead us to where we are that taint the way we love and the way we look at life. I’ll forget about you eventually, right now it’s just a habit I can’t break. I just forget to forget you sometimes.
To the person you decide to love eventually I hope you look at them the same way you used to look at me, when they smile you smile, they buy you little things just because, they listen to your rants about politics even though they hate the subject, I hope you get a dog, and have the babies you always wanted and you can have everything you wanted through them, and your face lights up everyday with it. But most of all I hope you learn to love yourself before you try to love them. They deserve that, you deserve that. Love yourself, love your silly laugh, your body, your experiences, your drunken videos that your embarrassed you made the next day, your sober thoughts to your drunken thoughts and everything in between. I hope you love yourself so you get the love you deserve with the right hands to hold you.
That’s my hope for you, that’s what I want from you.